Two Things Can Be True

John and I were watching a show a few days ago and the title of the episode was Two Things Can Be True. Hmmm. I never really thought about that. This phrase stuck with me because it signifies that seemingly contradictory ideas or feelings can both be valid and accurate, even at the same time. Perhaps the concept acknowledges the complexities of life, that nothing is really black-and-white. Wow! So here are my thoughts on that. 

I think this is how it works with our grief. Grief is nothing but feelings and emotions, all the time, day after day. It is complex and often difficult. But our grief is not linear. It cycles between many stages and feelings and there is no order or reason for them sometimes. 

There is a duality that exists in grief. We’ve all experienced it.  We can feel profound sadness and yet also feel a spark of joy, remembering the beautiful memories with those we've lost. We can be angry at the unfairness of it, while simultaneously feeling gratitude for having had those precious moments. We can feel like the world is dark while feeling the light when we speak our child’s name.  Opposing emotions coexist within us, creating a reflection of the true depth and breadth of our experiences.  It’s hard, feeling conflicting emotions. As if our grief doesn’t confuse us enough, now our heart is faced with emotions that contradict each other. It just doesn't make sense. Or does it? 

In these moments, when our hearts are torn between conflicting emotions, we can find a certain kind of peace in accepting that duality. Life is complex. Our relationships are complex. So why shouldn’t our feelings be as well.  I believe the complexity of our feelings allows us to honor the full spectrum of our grief experience.  

Embracing this duality is not just a form of healing; it is essential for honoring our grief. It gives us permission to feel everything deeply. It's a reminder that it's okay to feel multiple things at once and that our emotions are valid, even if they seem contradictory. And we need the grief we feel for our child to be validated. 

So, as we grieve, let’s remember that two things can be true. Maybe that idea will help us find peace amidst the chaos of our broken hearts 

Lynn 

Living With Child Loss