The Transformative Power of Grief

I was asked by my counselor the other day how I think I have changed since my son died. I paused for a bit. That’s a hard question. But that’s what he does. He asks the hard questions. So, here are my thoughts on that. 

Love: 

Grief inevitably touches everyone's lives at some point. It is love, wrapped in pain and that pain is so sharp it cuts into your very being. It changes us in ways we never would have chosen but it also shapes who we are to become. Being rooted in love, grief shows us that the deeper we loved, the deeper we grieve. It teaches us to honor love, even for the ones that are no longer here. But just as grief shapes love it also shapes our strength. 

Strength 

I believe grief shows us a strength we never knew we had. We grow stronger just so we can survive. The loss of a child makes you think you can’t survive possibly don’t even want to survive, but you do. You must continue. You must go on both for the people that care about you and to keep the memory of your child alive. I think keeping Mike’s memory alive is what keeps me going, thus makes me stronger. It shows us we are resilient when it feels hard to even breathe. 

Empathy 

I believe grief also makes us more empathetic. We become softer to the pain of others, perhaps because we are experiencing such pain ourselves. We become better at seeing the struggles of others around us.  

Perspective 

Grief has also changed my perspective, I think. It makes you stop and think about even the smallest gestures and how precious those moments are. Things you took for granted as a constant become more important now that you know there is no such thing as a constant. It reminds us of the impermanence of life. It teaches us to be present in the now as we can’t change the past and we are not guaranteed the future. 

I think these are the biggest changes for me. I know it’s different for everyone, but one thing is for sure. Grief changes us, shapes us. We are no longer the version of us before our loss and must now reconcile to the version of us after our loss.  

Lynn