Memory Markers

After just passing the “milestone” of 6 months since Mike’s death, I had a few thoughts about milestones. 

As parents, we love the milestones of our children. We look forward to those “firsts” with such anticipation. We etch them in our memories. Each milestone reflects joy and progress, the growth of our child.  

When you've lost a child, those milestones are reshaped by grief. They don’t represent joy or progress. They now carry a bittersweet weight. They serve as reminders of what could have been and what has been lost.  These dates silently mark the passage of time, each one heavy with love and sorrow. They now represent new, painful dates, moments that bind us to the past. Their last birthday, their last Christmas, the last time you saw them. There is only sadness in these milestones without them. The first birthday without them, the first holidays without them, life without them.  

This shift in perception transforms every significant date into a blaring reminder of loss.  Milestones now are heavy, a weight we never anticipated. Maybe they should be called something else that would still reflect the enduring love and bond we hold for our child. Something that shows that our love does not diminish with time; rather, it grows in the spaces they once filled. These milestones, tinged with both sorrow and love, remind us of the profound impact they had on our lives. So, what do we call them instead? I believe we should call the Memory Markers as truly that’s what these dates are now. They acknowledge both the joy they brought into our lives and the sorrow of their absence. They are markers of our love for our precious children and their unforgettable memories that we hold so dear. We are marking times that they were here with us and those are to be celebrated, not dreaded. 

Lynn 

Living With Child Loss