Grief is defined as the experience of coping with loss. Everyone will experience it at some time in their life, yet it is often met with resistance and discomfort. If you’re like me, you’ve probably heard the phrase sitting with our grief. Again, if you’re like me, your first thought is What? Nope, no thank you! Sitting with grief involves embracing our grief; accept it like it’s an old friend and allow it to lead us toward healing. That’s a hard thing to do. It is not about wallowing in sorrow but about acknowledging and honoring the depth of our loss and all the feelings that go with it. Well ok, let’s see how that works....
As a mother who has lost a son, I can tell you that the grief that accompanies the loss of a child cuts deep. It comes in crashing waves of sadness, anger, guilt and confusion, just to name a few. And those waves can crush you just like they did your sandcastle as a kid. It’s hard, painful and exhausting as you try to rebuild your castle between the waves. It’s ugly and messy and the world doesn’t want to see it.
Nevertheless, sitting with our grief means allowing the waves to crash and recede. Giving ourselves permission to feel it deeply. So, what does that even look like, when our society is so uncomfortable with our suffering?
I know the phrase is not meant literally, but I really do pull up a chair. And I sit and I feel. This is one of the assignments my grief counselor gave me. And I tell you, it’s powerful. Sometimes I sit right in front of Mike’s picture and sometimes I just find a quiet spot to sit. It doesn’t matter where I am. The important part for me is just taking the time to let those waves wash over me. Time to feel all the feelings and tell myself they are real, they’re ok and they're valid. Yes, it’s undeniably painful but I find that as I acknowledge each emotion, I get a sense of calmness and a deeper understanding of myself. Does my heart still ache? Yes. Is the sadness still there? Yes. But I now put a name to all those waves crashing over me and somehow that makes them feel less powerful. And you know I write things down as I’m sitting there. It’s just me, I find it helps.
Ultimately, sitting with our grief is about finding peace within ourselves. It is about allowing the waves of emotion to wash over us, trusting that they will eventually recede. It’s about knowing you can rebuild your sandcastle when the tide recedes. It is about being patient with ourselves and letting the healing process take its course. By sitting with our grief, we honor our journey and those we have lost. So, pull up a chair and sit with your grief. It is not a sign of weakness but an act of both profound courage and love. It will show you just how strong you really are. Let the waves crash in and as they do, give them a name, watch them recede, then take a deep breath. Our journey is a testament to the enduring strength of the human spirit.
Walking this path with you
Living With Child Loss
Add comment
Comments