Grief and gratitude. Two words you don’t usually think of together. At least I don’t. I guess if I’m being honest, I never really thought about that concept before I lost Michael. While grief is defined as profound sorrow, usually over a loss/death; gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful. In my little brain, those two things just don’t go together. The first couple of months after Mike died, I felt very little in my life to be grateful for. If someone had said to me to be grateful for the 41 years I had with him, I probably would have responded in a not so nice way.
Now, 7 ½ months into this journey I never expected to take, I am beginning to see glimpses of how these two emotions could coexist. It’s not like an “aha moment” or sudden enlightening; it’s more like the soft breaking of dawn after a long, dark night. I’m starting to notice small things- a sweet memory that reminds me of the joy he brought to so many, a song he loved, the kindness of people who are walking the same road. These moments don’t erase the pain, but they add a layer of warmth to it, a bittersweet acknowledgment that my grief reflects deep love and connection.
I think now I’m recognizing that grief and gratitude aren't always opposite; they can coexist in the same heart, creating a kind of bittersweet harmony. A smile and a tear at the same memory like I had last night. I try to see my sorrow not only as a testament to the depth of my love for Michael but also as a lens through which I can be grateful for the gifts his presence brought to my life. Don’t misunderstand me, I have days when it’s almost impossible to see the new dawn but there are also days now when I can find moments of gratitude amidst the waves of pain. I write down at least one thing I am grateful for every morning when I do my morning reflection. Some days I must work to come up with something I am grateful for. Other days it's much easier.
Grief and gratitude; together, they remind us of life's fragile beauty, urging us to cherish the present and honor the past. Grief and gratitude are not contradictions; they are companions on this long road, each giving depth and meaning to the other. And as I continue to walk this path, I hold onto the hope that, one day, the balance will tilt just enough for gratitude to feel like home again.
Walking this path with you with love and gratitude for you
Lynn
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