Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a time warp? Like the rest of the world is going on around you and you’re just not a part of it? The sun rises and sets, the months come and go. Yet, you’re just stuck. Stuck somewhere in what I call “before and after land”, a mental place where memories of love clash with the pain of loss. The before land is colorful, shaped by love and the presence of the one you lost while the after land is muted, silent and filled with absence and longing. In the before there is laughter, routines and a sense of wholeness. And then there’s the after- where everything is heavy; carrying the weight of what’s missing.
Each day brings whispers of days gone by, their echoes bittersweet, carving stories into the depths of your soul. Life continues, but everything is measured against the time before your loss and after your loss. Walking into the same places, hearing the same songs, seeing the same sunsets- but the after ones don't feel the same as the before ones.
This space we’re in, between timelines, can be profoundly isolating, but it also holds depth-where our love, loss, and memory intertwine in a way that only grievers understand. I think this is all part of my grief journey and eventually my heart will learn to hold the contrasting lands together; to let sorrow walk hand in hand with gratitude and to find beauty in the spaces that pain has hollowed out. Someday, the before and after memories won’t be so painful.
And perhaps, as time moves forward, the before and after can merge, becoming not opposing worlds but coexisting worlds, complementing one another and held together by resilience and the quiet moments of clarity that loss brings. Maybe this is where new stories begin to form, shaped not despite the grief but because of it. The contrast between the two lands doesn’t need to fade entirely; instead, it might serve as a reminder of the richness of what was, and the promise of what still can be. It is this fragile coexistence that whispers of a path forward, not away from the loss, but through it, where healing doesn’t erase the past but weaves it into the fabric of what is yet to come.
Walking the path with you in love and support
Lynn
Living With Child Loss
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